Updated: Aug 6, 2020
Since my last blog post I’ve been thinking… ‘Okay Nic, what will you write about next?’
There are so many topics tugging at my heart lately, but I felt most people could benefit from recognizing our toxic tendencies (especially during a time where as a collective, we are trying to make the world a better place). Now before I dive into this topic, I want to clarify that by no means am I suggesting you stay in abusive and draining relationships. All I’m hoping you take from this post is the desire to reflect more on the person you are, what you have endured and who you hope to evolve into someday.
I came across a bio today, of an instagram account that propelled me to write.
“Normalizing the messiest parts of being human” -@goodhumansonly
Now I won’t speak for everyone, but by being an ear for a lot of people, of all sexualities, I have gradually believed that there is this notion of attaining the perfect relationship. And this relationship depends on what we give and what we receive from a partner. A reciprocal interaction/transaction of some sort, this will determine a more peaceful union. From the moment you begin to date, to the very last day together. Although this is true, to some extent, this mentality blocks the most important relationship you will ever have in life; and that is with yourself. You see, a lot of the time we are so focused on finding someone, that this process becomes tunnel vision. We end up pausing the work we owe to ourselves and we expect to find a good match, without being a good match.
What is a good match in my eyes? Well honestly, it's just about being good to ourselves. Loving yourself enough to know what you deserve but also loving yourself to learn from the side of you, that you tend to feel “embarrassed” of. That's what I believe @goodhumansonly is referring to when she states ‘normalizing the messiest parts of being human’. Do you expect to be perfect every single day of your life? Probably not…so to hold that expectation on someone else can get pretty exhausting. And, I will say it until I’m blue , this does not mean you stay in a variety of abusive relationships. Your intuition will be the best indicator of where you draw your line; so please trust it and don’t ignore it.
Okay so let's take it way back. From the moment we are children, we grow up inhaling all types of energies, trauma, experiences; to say the least are not favourable in the books. Parents fighting—divorce, alcohol/drug addiction, abuse, loss and grief, racism, culture. The list is endless. These experiences have shaped, scared, even pricked your soul enough to make a mark on you. You’ve carried them with you and even lived by them. Experiences have either hindered or broadened your perception; especially when it comes to relationships. At times I think the people who hurt others and themselves, are the people who are hurting the most. This is why it’s so important to recognize who you are hurting and where did these toxic tendencies birth from. Embracing both sides of your inner Gemini is key.
When I say toxic tendencies, I’m referring to the way you view yourself. It’s the voice within all of us screaming self-doubt/worth, pokes at your wounds, enhances stubbornness. To love is one thing but to let yourself be loved in the way you deserve; is another. All of these toxic tendencies that live inside of us, for the most part have been there unknowingly; or just blocked out. Until one day you begin to review your life’s timeline. From my experience, I was able to find all the answers to my questions—to all my tendencies by doing this. The concern however, is not that you have inherited them, the issue arises when they begin to bleed into our lives.
It is also important to remember that not all tendencies have to have a ‘negative’ connotation, for them to be damaging. In my opinion, too much of a good thing can also set us back. That is why I am a huge advocate for a harmonious balance. Embracing your qualities and tendencies can have a positive impact for the relationships in your life. Through this reflection, you can begin to realize how interconnected your life truly is. For example if you’re an empath, we tend to put others before ourselves. Although this is a devoted quality, if you allow yourself to only give, you can also set a precedent for how others treat you. Supporting your loved ones is necessary, but it’s important that we don’t create codependency.
If you're single, working on becoming the best version of yourself will ultimately lead you in the right direction, to the right person—not perfect but right for you. In practicing reflection, of all the ingredients that make you who you are, you will be able to love yourself fully and love another unapologetically. No matter what the outcomes are. If you’re in a relationship, think about the cards you have played as well. I’m saying this because as humans I think it’s easy to point fingers at others. The real challenge is realizing how our decisions have impacted us both positively and negativity.
I want you all to know that my hope here is only to plant the seed of what you are all able to discover. By no means am I perfect, but I am certainly perfectly imperfect.