In a relationship with...

Updated: Apr 7, 2020

Fear is that vexatious emotions that greets itself to us during times of worry and uncertainty. It’s safe to say we have all experienced fear at some point in our lives; whether it’s in relationships, family, financially or when we’re about to make one of those big life decisions. I came across a quote today that resonates today's post; we do not fear the unknown, what we fear is what we think we know about the unknown…

During times of uncertainty it’s really easy to feel fearful of the future, however you must remind yourself that we are going through this transition collectively; and for me there is comfort in that. If you want to understand fear I realized I needed to indisputably date it. Think about 'fear' like a hot off the fire girlfriend/boyfriend and incorporate ‘that high’ you feel when you are first getting to know them. You both dive into each moment with trust. The 'high' feeling is uncontrollable, uncertain; but you roll with it. With fear the more we neglect it, the easier it is to get trapped in it’s web of the unknown.

Giving fear your attention… but only for a moment

The first step I found helpful in coming to terms with this overrated emotion was giving it my attention. Fear becomes a struggle when we don’t acknowledge or accept it; would you ignore your partner? I mean chances are sometimes of course you want to ignore them, especially when their actions frustrate the living shit outta you. However for the most part you don’t continue a relationship ignoring your partner(fear). You have two choices you either communicate with fear or commit to a toxic relationship with fear. When you realize fear is present, it is easier to ask it for the space you need, just like fighting with a partner; "give me my damn space". Truly take in the moments you feel scared, nervous, anxious for all these ingredients are born from fear; acknowledge all these feelings and breathe. This step might seem so cliché/obvious but you would be surprised how often I skipped this step while plunging into the waters of uncertainty.

Your Relationship With Fear

In the progress of dating you begin to learn more about the other person(fear) and you begin to learn about yourself throughout the relationship. Often times in a relationship our attention is on the other person not ourselves. This is exactly what you don’t want to create; an addiction focusing on fear, while omitting your personal relationship with it. Fear has been a part of our emotional inventory from the moment it was introduced to us as children to the present day. We have this profound history with fear and this relationship is the one I am referring to. When you find yourself worried about any situation in your life, think about your history with a similar situation. For example if you’re in a relationship with someone who no longer respects you, think about what got YOU here; not what she or he has done. Did you set healthy boundaries, expectations? Most importantly did you give yourself the respect you deserve? Another common situation is fear of failing…why fear failing when you have yet to experience failure in the present situation. Yes, you might have not succeeded in prior events but the past will only dictate your future if you listen to fear.

Don’t Breakup-Makeup

Alright so we are all years into a relationship with fear, you’ve gotten to know the colourless side of it; and it’s time you make up. The reason I never “broke up” with fear is because I’m still practicing mindfulness, and the truth is fear does not move on. We live in a world with opposing energy and emotions; and without this it is hard to experience the more positive side of emotions. Fear will only become dangerous when we let it control our hearts, blur out minds and ultimately damage our appetite for life.

Just remember fear is like putting a down payment on the future...would you?

Love Nic

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